You have an order of protection against you, but now the person who filed it keeps texting. Maybe they're asking you to come home, wanting to talk about the kids, or saying they regret going to court in the first place. You might even have messages from them saying it's fine to call or come over. It's understandable to wonder why you could get in trouble for talking to someone who's the one reaching out.
In Tennessee, the person who requested an order of protection can contact you first, but that doesn't automatically give you permission to respond. If the order prohibits contact, you are still expected to follow that restriction until the court changes it or the order expires. A private agreement between the two of you doesn't override what the judge ordered.
Can You Text Back if They Contacted You First?
Suppose your former partner sends you a message saying they want to talk and work things out. You didn't start the conversation, and they clearly want you to respond. But if the order says you cannot communicate with them, even a friendly reply could lead to an allegation that you violated it.
Orders of protection can restrict phone calls, text messages, social media messages, visits, and communication through other people. Some also prohibit going to certain places, including a shared home or workplace. The restrictions aren't identical in every case, so you need to read the actual order rather than rely on what someone else says is allowed.
This becomes particularly frustrating when the person contacting you is also the person who asked the court to keep you away. They may have changed their mind about the relationship, or they may simply want to discuss something practical. Neither situation gives them the authority to waive the court's restrictions. If you're unsure whether a particular type of communication is permitted, it's better to get an answer before replying than to explain yourself after an arrest.
What if They Want You to Come Home or See Your Children?
A request to come home can feel different from an ordinary text message, especially when your belongings are still there and you share bills, pets, or children. You may be worried about losing access to your home or missing time with your kids, and the other person may genuinely want you back. Still, if the order prohibits you from entering the residence, their invitation doesn't change that restriction.
Parenting arrangements can make the situation even more complicated. Some orders address custody, visitation, or how parents may communicate about their children. Others leave little room for direct contact. If you need to arrange a pickup, discuss a child's schedule, or collect belongings, an attorney can review the order and help you seek an arrangement that doesn't put you at risk of violating it.
There may also be a separate criminal case with its own bond conditions. For example, someone arrested for domestic assault may be prohibited from contacting the alleged victim as a condition of release, even if the civil order of protection is later dismissed. Getting one restriction changed doesn't necessarily remove the other.
Can They Have the Order of Protection Dropped?
The person who requested the order can ask the court to dismiss or modify it, but simply telling you they no longer want it isn't enough. An order of protection comes from a judge, and neither person can decide privately that it no longer applies. Even if you've reconciled and both want to resume contact, you still have to follow the restrictions until the court changes the order or it expires. That means a text saying “I dropped it” isn't something you should rely on without confirming what the court actually did.
Sometimes the person who filed the petition believes they can cancel the order by calling the police or telling you they won't report any contact. That isn't how the process works. If they want the restrictions lifted, the request needs to go through the court, and the judge must decide whether to grant it.
Herbert & Lux represents people dealing with orders of protection in Tennessee, including cases where the people involved have reconciled or need to address shared responsibilities. We can review the order, explain which restrictions are currently in place, and discuss whether asking the court for a modification makes sense.
What if You've Already Answered Their Calls or Messages?
Maybe you've already responded to a few texts, had a phone conversation, or met in person because the other person insisted it was okay. You may have thought that because they initiated the contact, you weren't doing anything wrong. If the order prohibited that communication, the fact that they reached out first doesn't automatically protect you from an allegation of violating it.
Tennessee law allows criminal charges for certain knowing violations of orders of protection. Whether a particular interaction meets the requirements for a criminal charge depends on the restrictions in the order and the evidence of what occurred. A message from the other person asking you to respond may be relevant to the facts, but it doesn't erase the court order.
If you've already communicated, keep the messages, call records, and any other evidence showing what happened. Don't delete the conversation or ask the other person to say something different about the contact. If police have contacted you or you've been accused of violating an order of protection, an attorney can review the order alongside the messages and other evidence before you decide how to respond to the allegation.
You also don't need to keep replying simply because you've answered before. If the other person continues to contact you, preserve the messages and avoid further communication that the order prohibits. For an issue involving children, housing, or another shared responsibility, you can discuss with an attorney whether there's a lawful way to handle it through the court.
Talk to Herbert & Lux About Your Order of Protection
When someone is asking you to communicate with them but a court order says you can't, it's easy to end up in a difficult position. You may be trying to keep the peace, work out a parenting arrangement, or get your family back together without creating another legal problem.
Herbert & Lux helps people throughout Middle Tennessee who have questions about orders of protection, contact restrictions, and accusations of violating an order. We offer free consultations by phone, so you don't need to come into the office just to ask questions about your situation. Call to speak with our team about what the order says and what options may be available to you.
